Trusting God

Everything rides on hope now, and everything rides on faith somehow. When the world has broken me down, Your love sets me free. I am not my own I’ve been carried by You all my life. – Addison Road

God provides. I say this all the time, I believe it, I know it’s true, but still I continue to doubt. If there is one thing I have learned about myself by being here, it is that I am predictable. I am ok with being pushed out of my comfort zone but take certain things away from me and I break down. One main thing that I have learned is that to be content in a place I need trust and open relationships. I need people in my life, friends, family, to support on and to know that they care about me and will look out for me. I was reminded of this once again today when I had my first day in Bluefields. I was completely stripped of everything that I have gotten used to so far. I had no internet, no communication with my professors, no friends to rely on, no schedule, no organization, I don’t speak the language, I didn’t know how to get to the school I was supposed to be teaching at and so on. Today was one of those roller coaster days. I would go from being completely broken down to at peace and then I would break down again. But through it all the Lord has provided. He has walked with me, helped me work things out and supported me in ways that I’m sure I don’t even recognize.

I finally calmed my inner anxieties tonight when I had dinner with Merelyn. We had the chance to talk and she told me about her life and Bluefields. I asked her a lot of questions about the school system and what life is like here. Gabi was also around and kept me entertained by singing, dancing, and playing board games with me. I love the innocence and acceptance that children bring. I think I am finally at the point today where I know that everything is going to be all right and that there really is a purpose that I am here. I’m glad to be at that point because all I wanted to do this morning was to go home. And to top it off, I found out that I think Damaris has the internet here and I just need to get a password to access it! God is so good, he meet my needs and exceeds my expectations daily. There is nothing that I should ever fear because He makes everything good for those who love Him. And we are called to rejoice in all situations, so that is what I am going to do these next few weeks, rejoice. Rejoice that I am not comfortable, rejoice that things are not easy, rejoice in the fact that I know I am going to come away from this with a whole new appreciation for my life. I even have my own room, running water, and an air-conditioning vent. Many of my friends are not living in houses as nice as mine and most of the people in Bluefields definitely are not living like Merelyn. I am really learning though, that it is not the kind of house that you live in that makes life complete. The comforts are nice but what really matters is having meaningful relationships in your life and having faith in Jesus to stand on. The Lord is the reason that I wake up every morning and He is what gets me through every second of every day. I feel so blessed that I am here and feeling uncomfortable because it forces me to seek God. Too often at home I get comfortable in my life and put Him on the backburner, but not here. I can’t survive one minute without his guidance. He is teaching me that even though I may have it easier at home, I always need God, there is never a time when I can do things by myself or receive something that He has not allowed me to receive. I don’t know if any of that makes sense, my thoughts are just flowing through my head but I hope that you can take something away from reading about my experience. We are so blessed in the United States and we really do not realize it. It is so humbling to see the different lives of people in the same world.

I want to share a little as well about my experience at Moravian Primary School. The school consists of 1st through 6th grade but all of the students are not there at the same time due to the size of the school. In the morning from 7:30-11:45 students in 1st, 2nd, and 6th grade attend school. This is the time that I will be there every day. In the afternoon 3rd, 4th, and 5th grades come and have class. The school system is nothing like it is in the United States. There is virtually no discipline. Students run around in the classroom and run in and out like animals. They pay attention when they want to and listen when they feel like it is necessary. It was hard for me to understand what was being taught because it was in Spanish but the students were learning Math, Literature, and Bible today. Tomorrow I was told is when they will be spending some time teaching English so I am interested in seeing what that is like and if I will be able to help. The students don’t seem to be learning much in school. It is basically like high school for children. There is no differentiation or teaching strategies to meet the needs of students or younger children. Every grade is treated the same and they are expected to sit in desks and stare at the front while the teacher explains what is going on. Generally after a lecture from the teacher, they open up their notebooks and copy what is on the board which may include practice problems. However, the teachers do seem to mean well. The ones that I have talked to have been very nice and truly want the best for their students. They want to see them learn and they want them to become positive influences in their community. The problem is they do not have the education that we receive in the United States to teach them how to be teachers. They don’t have curriculum provided for them or excellent teachers to model what good teaching looks like. I’m sure once I spend more time at the school I will have a deeper insight but these are my first impressions. My favorite part of the day was just being with the children. They were friendly, welcoming and wanted to understand me. Many of them drew me pictures and even shared some of their snack. They were just like my second grade students last semester except they do not have the same opportunities or life circumstances.

I’m going to approach tomorrow in a new light, listening for God’s voice and trying to step into the shoes of the people in this community. I am interested to see what I will be feeling and thinking at the end of these two weeks.

Thanks everyone for the encouragement and prayers. I love you all.

Shelby

(written Monday, September 27)
pictures coming soon